scattering mindless trivia

Archive for the ‘My family is stuck with me’ Category

The Birds and the Bees

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

baby

“Mommy, where do babies come from?”

My sweet little daughter Earth Child was becoming more and more persistent. She was not buying the “miracle from heaven” story any more.

When my son started asking questions, I did what any good mother would do………I told him to go and ask his father.

Well, it was my turn with daughter.

I tried to make it as age appropriate as possible. Giving her some facts without way too much detail. In fact, I was quite proud of myself, being sensitive to her absorption of the ’facts of life’.

When I was done with my “mother to daughter” talk, she looked at me with a wrinkled up nose, her face skewered in disgust………..

“Oh, gross………………and you had to do that TWO times!!!!!”

Yup………..only twice……………..

-

Stay Away Bad Mojo

Friday, April 24th, 2009

black-cat

I am superstitious.
My mother is superstitious.
My children are superstitious.
My sister is superstitious.

And we take these superstitions very seriously………..

We are very careful not to:
             -walk under a ladder
              -let a black cat cross our path
              -let salt spill without tossing it over our left shoulder
              -open an umbrella inside
              -step on a crack

We even have some bizarre superstitions to ward off bad luck:
              -you must get out of bed the same side you got in
              -you must leave by the same door you came in
              -you can only wear your own birthstone
              -never leave your car seat forward
              -never leave your shoes upside down
              -never chase someone with a broom

Even the grandchildren come up with new ones:
             -never sneak candy
             -never make mud pies in your bedroom
(I’m thinking these were preludes to some bad mama luck)

Earth Child’s husband swears he has never met a family so superstitious.
He thinks we’re crazy.
He just shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
(Right, like no one has ever done that to us before……………..)

How much bad luck for chasing someone with that broom…………..?

___________

 

Zelzee Art Gallery

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

My refrigerator art gallery is filled with works of art created by my favorite artists. Tucked around the edges are a few personal touches of Zelzee’s.

art1
“I Love My Girls”
A portrait of Grandma before cancer and chemo (with the curly red hair)…….the one on the right is Grandma with her chic new wig…………

art2
“Fi Fi Foo Foo”
Fi FI Foo Foo the poodle on the prowl…………..arf!

art3
“Can I Keep Him After I Get My Nail Done?”
This masterpiece is held up with my favorite magnet!

art4
“Grama”
Grandma looks young through the eyes of a 6 year old!

art5
“Best Divorce Card”
Gotta love that Willie!

art7
“Genius”
Hanging with the art pieces just to show off my budding genius/Einstein/ace mathematician

 

art6
Things I would like to get………..
Things I need to get…………
….back to reality……………………….

The Apple Can Fall Far From The Tree

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Cherry red summer apple isolated on white

There are many times I wonder who took my daughter, and what have they done with her?

I  raised my daughter on the staples of food during the 70’s and 80’s………..

  • injected red meat and chicken
  • vegetables with chemical preservatives
  • doughnuts for breakfast
  • instant mashed potatoes
  • junk foods galore for snacks

Now, I have to admit she turned out wonderful………..this little cherub that sat and ate artifically flavored ice cream straight out of the carton with me.   We had cakes filled with  bleached flour, artery clogging oils and gobs of shortening for every birthday from the day she was one year old. And how we enjoyed snacking on corn curls jam packed  with artificial flavor and coloring!

But, she’s gone………………………

She has been taken over by a health concious, “let me make it from scratch with only healthy ingredients”, mother.  Her kitchen is filled with fresh vegetables that have been grown in her backyard with her very own mix of compost ………………fruits from health store co-ops or the neighbors (not sprayed with chemicals) tree.  She eats hummus for God sake!………(I think that’s supposed to be outside around my shrubs).

There is not one single drop of trisodium phosphate or hydrogenated oil to be found in Earth Child’s home.  I know, I have looked when she wasn’t watching me.

“Now, Mother, when the girls come over to your house, you have healthy snacks for them, don’t  you?”

“Of course, dear.”

I will rot in hell…………………………………