Archive for the ‘I'm how old!’ Category
Monday, June 1st, 2009
I am sore. So very, very sore. Yard work (spreading 3 yards of bark) got the best of me……….again!
Going back to work after the long holiday weekend of self imposed body beating, was very painful. I could barely walk. My back hurt………my thighs hurt to the point I was walking like a zombie.
Zelzee: “There is not one part of my body that doesn’t hurt, and I didn’t even have any ‘fun’ to get this way.”
Co workers: “Ha! Ha!”
Zelzee: “At my age there are only two reasons you would be walking this way. Spreading bark or Epilady.”
Co workers: “Ha! Ha!”
Zelzee: “Now if I were 25 years old……there could be three reasons why I would be walking this way.”
Co workers: “Ha! Ha!”
Zelzee: “Only a masochist would use an Epilady…….trust me I know.”
Co workers: Ha! Ha!”
You think it’s funny?
Guess what I’m getting you all for Christmas ………………
.
Posted in I'm how old!, Take a peek at me | 12 Comments »
Monday, April 27th, 2009
I was told many years ago, that when you turn 40 you lose a body part a year.
Now, I hate to admit it, but this premonition has come true……..much to my dismay.
So far, some of the body parts I have lost (and miss) are:
-carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists
-trigger finger in my thumb
-bifocals
-arthritis in my hips
-hearing is starting to go
-knee joint pain
-hair is gray
-I’m working with a limited number of teeth
This weekend the weather was beautiful! My sorely neglected yard was looking back at me with sad shaggy shrubs!
I knew……………….I just knew I was going to lose another body part if I went out to do yard work. But, oh no, listen to my common sense?
Not I, said the little redhead……..
Well……………
My back is out. I can barely walk. Sitting is out of the question. I had to air dry my feet after my shower because I couldn’t bend down. I’m pumping down ibuprofen like there’s no tomorrow.
And yes…………… I was warned……
_
Posted in I'm how old!, Take a peek at me | 18 Comments »
Monday, April 20th, 2009
I have been trying so hard the last few months to lose weight.
(Okay, what really happened is I tried on a stinkin’ bathing suit)
Now, this weight loss………It is NOT working! and I really can’t figure out WHY…
First I decided to count calories.
This always worked when I was younger, and the weight literally melted off my body if I skipped the hot fudge sundae for just one day!
Not anymore……….. Now all I have to do is THINK of a sundae and the weight is added to my body thru osmosis. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to chew and swallow my food. I should just duct tape it around my butt and thighs.
Back to calories……………….
I decided to eat only 1200 calories a day.
1200 calories……
This is the most asinine thing I ever tried…………………
And guess what? Someone told me calories DO count even if no one sees you eating. Are they for real??
So now
Instead of becoming a chug-a-lub while vegging on my recliner every night (and I love my recliner), I have also added an exercise routine to my day.
I personally would rather beat my body to a bloody pulp work out at home instead of going to a look at my big firm boobs and tight ass gym.
Trust me……….the sight of me sweating and stinking in front of hard bod men …………… oh God……………..
just-kill-me-now!
So……Listen up……I am lifting weights. I am doing crunches. I am running in place. I am entertaining the neighbors, as I have no curtains on the windows!
My ridiculous exercise routine could be called “Jumpy Jerking Dancing with the Overweight, Flabby, Can I Get A Date Here, You Flipping Moron Workout”.
I’m doing everything right. Diet. Exercise.
so why then……………….
Hellooooo…….chubby roll………..why are you still glued to my waist and thighs like my children did when they were little?
Hellooooo…….cellulite………dimples there are NOT cute.
Helloooooo …….idiot interesting magazine article that said it is harder to loose weight the older you are.
How old?
Posted in I'm how old!, Take a peek at me | 11 Comments »
Friday, April 17th, 2009
I personally……………….
have nothing against plastic surgery.
I have nothing against botox.
I have nothing against peels, tucks and lifts.
BUT I personally would never have a face lift, or do anything to remove my deep crevices etched on every square inch of my face wrinkles.
I have earned each and every one. They are my multitude of badges of courage.
The wrinkles on the right side of my face are attributed to my son throughout his growing years,
and
the wrinkles on the left side of my face……………. my daughter…
And
the wrinkles down the middle are from too many husbands (oh, yeah).
If I did anything to remove these wrinkles, and ended up with a young, smooth face………..everyone would think I had an easy pampered life.
And I so want everyone to know………..
(Along with all the good times and blessings I have known……………….)
My life has been rough, so very tough, falling apart at times, childrens teenage years hell, divorce disasters, weight nightmares, poor as dirt dilemmas, lonely anguish, adversity, career pressures, cancer nightmare, worry, loss of loved ones, tragedy……………….
And every one of those moments are proudly displayed as proof of survival.
Especially when I smile…………………………
Just in case you didn’t know…………………
_____
Posted in I'm how old! | 13 Comments »
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