scattering mindless trivia

Archive for the ‘I'm how old!’ Category

Repairs

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

 

I ended up having knee surgery last month.  I could barely walk the pain was so bad, and I was reduced to wearing “sensible” shoes! Gasp!!!

That was the only reason I agreed to the surgery.  I could not be without my diva shoes any longer.  So, surgery was a success, and I only had to take one day off work.  It was hard to walk the next day, so I borrowed my mother’s walker to help me get around. (I have seen my future, and it is not pretty).

My grandaughters Diva and Drama Queen had a ball racing around the house with this new wheeled contraption at Grandma’s.  When they came over the next week, they asked if I still had the walker.  I told them that I returned it to Great Grandma.

Diva pouted. “But, we wanted to play old lady……………….we were going to be 39 years old!”

I don’t even want to know what they call me………………………..

Walk Like a (Wo)Man

Monday, June 1st, 2009

shovel

I am sore.  So very, very sore.  Yard work (spreading 3 yards of bark) got the best of me……….again!

Going back to work after the long holiday weekend of self imposed body beating, was very painful.  I could barely walk.  My back hurt………my thighs hurt to the point I was walking like a zombie.

Zelzee: “There is not one part of my body that doesn’t hurt, and I didn’t even have any ‘fun’ to get this way.”

Co workers:  “Ha! Ha!”

Zelzee:  “At my age there are only two reasons you would be walking this way.  Spreading bark or Epilady.”

Co workers: “Ha! Ha!”

Zelzee: “Now if I were 25 years old……there could be three reasons why I would be walking this way.”

Co workers: “Ha! Ha!”

Zelzee:  “Only  a masochist would use an Epilady…….trust me I know.”

Co workers: Ha! Ha!”

You think it’s funny?
Guess what I’m getting you all for Christmas ………………

.

And What Happens After 40…..?

Monday, April 27th, 2009

40 

 

I was told many years ago, that when you turn 40 you lose a body part a year.

Now, I hate to admit it, but this premonition has come true……..much to my dismay.

So far, some of the body parts I have lost (and miss) are:
-carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists
-trigger finger in my thumb
-bifocals
-arthritis in my hips
-hearing is starting to go
-knee joint pain
-hair is gray
-I’m working with a limited number of teeth

This weekend the weather was beautiful! My sorely neglected yard was looking back at me with sad shaggy shrubs!

I knew……………….I just knew I was going to lose another body part if I went out to do yard work. But, oh no, listen to my common sense?
Not I, said the little redhead……..

Well……………
My back is out. I can barely walk. Sitting is out of the question. I had to air dry my feet after my shower because I couldn’t bend down. I’m pumping down ibuprofen like there’s no tomorrow.


And yes…………… I was warned……

 
_

And The Reason I Can’t Lose Weight Is…….?

Monday, April 20th, 2009

 

weight

I have been trying so hard the last few months to lose weight.
(Okay, what really happened is I tried on a stinkin’ bathing suit)
Now, this weight loss………It is NOT working! and I really can’t figure out WHY…

First I decided to count calories.

This always worked when I was younger, and the weight literally melted off my body if I skipped the hot fudge sundae for just one day!

Not anymore……….. Now all I have to do is THINK of a sundae and the weight is added to my body thru osmosis. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to chew and swallow my food. I should just duct tape it around my butt and thighs.

Back to calories……………….

I decided to eat only 1200 calories a day.

1200 calories……

This is the most asinine thing I ever tried…………………

And guess what?  Someone told me calories DO count even if no one sees you eating.   Are they for real?? 
 
  So now

Instead of becoming a chug-a-lub while vegging on my recliner every night (and I love my recliner), I have also added an exercise routine to my day. 

I personally would rather beat my body to a bloody pulp work out at home instead of going to a look at my big firm boobs and tight ass gym.

Trust me……….the sight of me sweating and stinking in front of hard bod men ……………   oh God……………..
just-kill-me-now!

So……Listen up……I am lifting weights. I am doing crunches. I am running in place. I am entertaining the neighbors, as I have no curtains on the windows!
My ridiculous exercise routine could be called “Jumpy Jerking Dancing with the Overweight, Flabby, Can I Get A Date Here, You Flipping Moron Workout”.

I’m doing everything right. Diet. Exercise.

so why then……………….

Hellooooo…….chubby roll………..why are you still glued to my waist and thighs like my children did when they were little?

Hellooooo…….cellulite………dimples there are NOT cute.

Helloooooo …….idiot interesting magazine article that said it is harder to loose weight the older you are.

How old?