scattering mindless trivia

Archive for the ‘Cancer puts a damper on your social life’ Category

How To Get In And Out Of A Store In 10 Minutes……….Guaranteed!

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

Do you need to run errands, and you have very little time?

I will share with you my little secret……………..
I have a foolproof way that will get you in and out of any store super quick!

Just……………….wear a scarf on your head!


scarf
( beau beau scarf – the best….Reviewed by Zelzee)

Yes…………..you-heard-me-right……….wear a scarf on your head!

I have observed that when you wear a scarf, time saving miracles begin to happen……..for example:

You’re looking for a specific item and there are of tons, not one or two…..tons of people looking at that same item………they will take one look at scarfy lady, and it immediately becomes the parting of the seas……….everyone runs away………. Hence, picking up your items quicker.

Crowded aisles? They start down the aisle with their cart, again, take one look at you, and hasten it to another aisle……. Hence, roomier shopping areas.

Long lines? They will be in front of you in line, they look back, see the scarf head, and ask if you want to go ahead of them (NEVER looking you in the eye)…… Hence, quicker check-outs.

Cancer just makes most people uncomfortable.  I’m not sure why………………
but I for one plan on exploiting their fear for my benefit!

Hence.

Secrets Behind The “C” Word

Sunday, March 8th, 2009

cancer1

Cancer…………….eek!……………….run!…………………hide!

What could Zelzee possibly find humorous about the “C” word?
Well, I have secrets to tell you……dark hidden secrets “they” don’t tell you about cancer treatments.

I was diagnosed last year with Cancer of an Unknown Primary…………..kinda rare……………….leave it to me! It was located in my chest wall, wrapped around my trachea and esophagus. I underwent chemotherapy and radiation treatments for many months.

Here are some of the truths of radiation therapy:

TOLD: “There will be a slight redness at the radiation site”
REALLY MEANS: Burn, baby, burn………….disco inferno on my chest! You will be wearing no sexy little cleavage peeker tops. There was a large sunburned (3rd degree at least!) circle on my chest. Wait………………..maybe I should have worn those tops……it would have been one way to get guys to look at my chest!

TOLD: “There may be some slight discomfort when you swallow”
REALLY MEANS: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! Severe esophagitis is a knife pain stabbing you from the shoulder blade in your back straight through to your boob EVERY TIME YOU SWALLOW!
Remember this when they say “slight”.

TOLD: You can change into these cute character decorated gowns before your treatment.
REALLY MEANS: These cute little character gowns are always missing the ties. Personally this didn’t bother me. I am always in a hurry, so I had no problem wrapping the gown around me and flying into the radiation area.
“Oh dear, Zelzee, you are exposing yourself!”
Zelzee calmly states that after two husbands, two children, and the true degradation of a couple colonoscopy’s thrown in for good measure, she really has no shame left.

TOLD: Treatments will be quick.
REALLY MEANS: NOT
Quick is waiting at a red light and the car behind you lays on his horn the second the light changes to green.
Quick is alcohol reaction on an empty stomach.
When you have to lay still………………………afraid the wrong organ will get fried if you move……….THAT, my friend is not quick!

Radiation was just one of my many adventures as I traveled down that bumpy ol’ road known as Cancer Lane.