The loud senior gentleman’s voice echoed in the vaulted ceiling lobby of my workplace.
Everyone within hearing distance came to an abrupt halt and turned to stare at me. Even office doors opened so my coworkers could hear more clearly what my dear elderly Mr. Senior had to say.
“Did you hear me?”
zelzee: “Actually, everyone within a five mile radius has heard you.”
“I haven’t got any stimulation like you gave everyone else, so I’m here to find out why I didn’t get any.”
zelzee: ” Excuse me!!!!”
“You got my buddy Ralph that stimulation, but not me!!”
zelzee: “Actually, I think you are talking about the Economic Stimulus Recovery money from the Federal government. It was not me that sent it out. It was the $250 you received in May. Stimulus………..government…………….”
“Oh, okay then. Have a good day.”
Sorta gives a whole new perspective to Public Services, doesn’t it?
Ok, my friend Jill decided she was going to meet a man in the grocery store. Everyone told her that was the place to meet single men.
So, she got herself a Starbucks, a cart and proceeded to mosey around our local grocery store in search of Mr. Perfect.
After one hour of wandering aimlessly up and down every aisle, not one single man approached her. “This is really stupid”, she thought………”I am going to take the initiative and approach some of them”.
“Hi, do you come here often?” Man rolls eyes.
“What do you think is a good salami? I really like salami.” Second man rolls eyes. (Oh, my gawd……………did I really just say that???)
“I find it so relaxing to shop with a Starbucks coffee, don’t you?” Third man rolls eyes.
“So, hey! Are you single?” And another man rolls eyes.
Suddenly, she realized she was being followed. This guy was checking her out, but when she tried to catch his eye, he would look away. She was on a mission, now. Shy men were her weakness. And this guy was really, really cute. Maybe there was something to this grocery store thing after all!
She would navigate her cart next to his……..all the while smiling and batting her eyelashes. He tried to get around her……………Jill wouldn’t let him pass. He would stop and try to go down another aisle. Jill followed.
She couldn’t take it any more! She marched in front of his cart, causing him to screech to an abrupt halt.
“So, like do you want my name and number, or what?”
He sighed………..”Lady, only if you’ve stolen something. I’m security. Now, would you mind moving?”
Jill has decided there is absolutely no need to ever set foot in a grocery store ever again……..
she doesn’t cook, anyway………….and hey! there’s always fast food!!!
This week our town experienced torrential down pouring of rain throughout the night and continuing into the day. Roads were flooded and closed, basements were flooded, sewer lines were backing up…………….It was a real mess.
We ended up declaring a state of emergency. Our Street Dept. workers were all out giving everything they had to try and keep up with the constant calls and complaints.
I ended up helping out on our switchboard, so our receptionist could make a listing of the hundreds pf addresses that needed assistance. The phones were ringing off the hook………….five lines at a time coming in…………….continually
You would think with all this chaos falling down around everyone’s ears, people would try and keep the phone lines clear, so the emergency calls would be able to get through.
Sampling of phone calls from residents that just ‘didn’t.get.it.’
“My garbage is floating away down the street.” Well, at least it’s floating away from you and not landing in your front door.
“They usually pick my garbage up at 10:00………it’s 11:30. Can you tell me why it’s not picked up yet?” Perhaps the drivers decided to take a swim in the 4′ waters…….it’s kinda warm today.
“I was in the building yesterday, and I wanted to tell you the shrubs in the front would do alot better if you poured a gallon of water with Miracle Grow on them once a week. Not any more, just once a week. Are you writing this down?” Thank you, I wasn’t able to sleep last night thinking how the shrubs are yellowing.
“There is water in my backyard. Can you tell me why this would happen?” Have you looked out the flippin window?
“There is water in my road, and I have a very expensive house.” OK, we’ll pull the crew off of the work they are doing at the cheap houses and send them to yours.
“Where is the nearest liquor store near me?” And you live where?????
At that point……………..it dawned on me, that was a very good question…………. Where is the nearest liquor store to me?
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