Friday, April 10th, 2009
It seems everyone I know is starting to retire………………..I have been to three retirement parties in the last month.
There comes a time in everyone’s life where the same things are going to happen to everyone…….depending where you are in the grand scheme of things……………
People will get married (a time or two)
People will have children or pets (pick your poison)
People will work for 100 years (at least)
People will retire (do what, tinkerbell?)
I am at the 100 year mark. I really don’t see any retirement in my near future. I think I was supposed to plan for this…………………………..but, NO, not me…………..No, selfish (single mom) Zelee blew all her money on her home, children, food and clothing……
Where was my head??
Mentally, I would have no problem retiring. I could very easily wrap my head around sleeping in until 10:00am every morning, religiously watching the news to see what give away I am entitled to, planning my life around doctor appointments instead of meetings, even looking forward to bus trips (bingo hall here I come!).
So congratulations to all of you that took the plunge and jumped into a world where everyday is Saturday!
I see my retirement as dropping over dead in my office, and they will drag me out by my ankles.
I can only hope I don’t wear a skirt that day…………………………….
Posted in I'm how old! | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
There are many times I wonder who took my daughter, and what have they done with her?
I raised my daughter on the staples of food during the 70’s and 80’s………..
- injected red meat and chicken
- vegetables with chemical preservatives
- doughnuts for breakfast
- instant mashed potatoes
- junk foods galore for snacks
Now, I have to admit she turned out wonderful………..this little cherub that sat and ate artifically flavored ice cream straight out of the carton with me. We had cakes filled with bleached flour, artery clogging oils and gobs of shortening for every birthday from the day she was one year old. And how we enjoyed snacking on corn curls jam packed with artificial flavor and coloring!
But, she’s gone………………………
She has been taken over by a health concious, “let me make it from scratch with only healthy ingredients”, mother. Her kitchen is filled with fresh vegetables that have been grown in her backyard with her very own mix of compost ………………fruits from health store co-ops or the neighbors (not sprayed with chemicals) tree. She eats hummus for God sake!………(I think that’s supposed to be outside around my shrubs).
There is not one single drop of trisodium phosphate or hydrogenated oil to be found in Earth Child’s home. I know, I have looked when she wasn’t watching me.
“Now, Mother, when the girls come over to your house, you have healthy snacks for them, don’t you?”
“Of course, dear.”
I will rot in hell…………………………………
Posted in My family is stuck with me | 8 Comments »
Monday, April 6th, 2009
It really amazes me how quick time flies by!
I remember my mother telling me “Don’t wish your life away”
Now, what did she know
…………………….
Because
to be 16 meant you could drive! You know, in a hot looking convertible with the top down, wind blowing thru my hair, and the Beach boys singing directly to me!
Because to be 18 meant you were done with high school and would be partying in college! No more parents/rules/regulations!
Because to be 21 meant…………….you could legally drink alcohol. Not that you did it underage………..
Because
to be 30 meant you were happily married with the most well behaved children on the face of the earth.
Because to be 40 meant your career was set and your life direction was firmly in place. Confidence oozed from every pore…………….
Because to be 50 meant your children were grown and gone. They were successful, financially stable, and they were having the most well behaved grandchildren on the face of the earth. You were looking longingly to retirement with your spouse, your life partner and best friend!
Because to be 57 meant asking yourself……………..
“Where the hell did I go wrong?”
Posted in I'm how old! | 4 Comments »
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
April Fools Day.
It falls on the same day every single year…………….nope, never changes………ALWAYS was and always will be April 1…..
Okay, it has already passed this year, but there is a certain member of my family that usually causes some drama on this day…………….
And yet, every year my family completely forgets about this day.
At least everyone but my sister.
Sister Wise One truly believes April 1st was invented specifically for her. She is the Queen of practical jokes!
For instance, one April Fools Day I came home from work and of course being a creature of habit, I immediately went to the sink for a glass of water.
When I turned the faucet on, the sprayer blasted me with water in the face and down the front of my new silk blouse.
Yes, the sprayer nozzle was taped down.
My children sang like birds….
They couldn’t rat her out fast enough…. “Aunt Wise One made us do it!!!!”
Or , poor Wise One’s husband……………….
There was an April Fools Day that………………
She thought it would be funny to color his hair red while he slept.
So………………..the setting was perfect.
“Wise One, I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, will it hurt it?”
“No, dear”………she ran to the phone calling me in hysterics……. this was perfect ,because he would think the conditioner turned his hair color during the night.
Poor Wise One’s hubby……………………….
He unknowingly fell asleep.
Well, Wise One could only find spray temporary hair color . She started spraying, and the sound kept waking him up.
She would act all nonchalant, and he would fall back asleep thinking he was dreaming.
Finally, she had to quit, but she at least got one side of his hair sprayed red.
Morning scene:
Screaming coming from the bathroom.
“Oh my God!! Help!! My head is bleeding!!! There’s blood everywhere!!!”
She still can’t tell this story without laughing so hard she’s ready to pee her pants.
I have learned on April Fools Day…..
Do not answer my phone.
Do not answer my door.
Check behind every corner, table or bed.
This woman is sick………………………
Posted in Take a peek at me, They pretend they aren't my family | 8 Comments »
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