Archive for April, 2009
Monday, April 20th, 2009
I have been trying so hard the last few months to lose weight.
(Okay, what really happened is I tried on a stinkin’ bathing suit)
Now, this weight loss………It is NOT working! and I really can’t figure out WHY…
First I decided to count calories.
This always worked when I was younger, and the weight literally melted off my body if I skipped the hot fudge sundae for just one day!
Not anymore……….. Now all I have to do is THINK of a sundae and the weight is added to my body thru osmosis. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to chew and swallow my food. I should just duct tape it around my butt and thighs.
Back to calories……………….
I decided to eat only 1200 calories a day.
1200 calories……
This is the most asinine thing I ever tried…………………
And guess what? Someone told me calories DO count even if no one sees you eating. Are they for real??
So now
Instead of becoming a chug-a-lub while vegging on my recliner every night (and I love my recliner), I have also added an exercise routine to my day.
I personally would rather beat my body to a bloody pulp work out at home instead of going to a look at my big firm boobs and tight ass gym.
Trust me……….the sight of me sweating and stinking in front of hard bod men …………… oh God……………..
just-kill-me-now!
So……Listen up……I am lifting weights. I am doing crunches. I am running in place. I am entertaining the neighbors, as I have no curtains on the windows!
My ridiculous exercise routine could be called “Jumpy Jerking Dancing with the Overweight, Flabby, Can I Get A Date Here, You Flipping Moron Workout”.
I’m doing everything right. Diet. Exercise.
so why then……………….
Hellooooo…….chubby roll………..why are you still glued to my waist and thighs like my children did when they were little?
Hellooooo…….cellulite………dimples there are NOT cute.
Helloooooo …….idiot interesting magazine article that said it is harder to loose weight the older you are.
How old?
Posted in I'm how old!, Take a peek at me | 11 Comments »
Friday, April 17th, 2009
I personally……………….
have nothing against plastic surgery.
I have nothing against botox.
I have nothing against peels, tucks and lifts.
BUT I personally would never have a face lift, or do anything to remove my deep crevices etched on every square inch of my face wrinkles.
I have earned each and every one. They are my multitude of badges of courage.
The wrinkles on the right side of my face are attributed to my son throughout his growing years,
and
the wrinkles on the left side of my face……………. my daughter…
And
the wrinkles down the middle are from too many husbands (oh, yeah).
If I did anything to remove these wrinkles, and ended up with a young, smooth face………..everyone would think I had an easy pampered life.
And I so want everyone to know………..
(Along with all the good times and blessings I have known……………….)
My life has been rough, so very tough, falling apart at times, childrens teenage years hell, divorce disasters, weight nightmares, poor as dirt dilemmas, lonely anguish, adversity, career pressures, cancer nightmare, worry, loss of loved ones, tragedy……………….
And every one of those moments are proudly displayed as proof of survival.
Especially when I smile…………………………
Just in case you didn’t know…………………
_____
Posted in I'm how old! | 13 Comments »
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
My refrigerator art gallery is filled with works of art created by my favorite artists. Tucked around the edges are a few personal touches of Zelzee’s.
“I Love My Girls”
A portrait of Grandma before cancer and chemo (with the curly red hair)…….the one on the right is Grandma with her chic new wig…………
“Fi Fi Foo Foo”
Fi FI Foo Foo the poodle on the prowl…………..arf!
“Can I Keep Him After I Get My Nail Done?”
This masterpiece is held up with my favorite magnet!
“Grama”
Grandma looks young through the eyes of a 6 year old!
“Best Divorce Card”
Gotta love that Willie!
“Genius”
Hanging with the art pieces just to show off my budding genius/Einstein/ace mathematician
Things I would like to get………..
Things I need to get…………
….back to reality……………………….
Posted in My family is stuck with me, Take a peek at me | 6 Comments »
Monday, April 13th, 2009
I love HGTV.
I follow it religiously.
But………………I really, really, have to ask ………….
When they do a home makeover with only $2,000……..
WHERE do they find granite countertop for $50?
WHERE do they find window treatments for $25?…………oh and we decided to do every window in the house, so that brought the cost up to $35.
WHERE do they find laminate flooring for the living room, and 3 bedrooms for $100?
WHERE do they find a complete set of living room furniture along with toss pillows, lamps and accessories for $200?
WHERE do they find paint to paint a whole house, oh and the garage, too because it could use some sprucing up for $30?
I KNOW it’s not where I live.
Trust me…………I am ready to remortgage my house after buying comforters and window treatments for ONLY two rooms!
You know what…………………….?
I think they lie…………………….
Posted in Take a peek at me, The finance dance | 8 Comments »
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