scattering mindless trivia

And The Reason I Can’t Lose Weight Is…….?

 

weight

I have been trying so hard the last few months to lose weight.
(Okay, what really happened is I tried on a stinkin’ bathing suit)
Now, this weight loss………It is NOT working! and I really can’t figure out WHY…

First I decided to count calories.

This always worked when I was younger, and the weight literally melted off my body if I skipped the hot fudge sundae for just one day!

Not anymore……….. Now all I have to do is THINK of a sundae and the weight is added to my body thru osmosis. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to chew and swallow my food. I should just duct tape it around my butt and thighs.

Back to calories……………….

I decided to eat only 1200 calories a day.

1200 calories……

This is the most asinine thing I ever tried…………………

And guess what?  Someone told me calories DO count even if no one sees you eating.   Are they for real?? 
 
  So now

Instead of becoming a chug-a-lub while vegging on my recliner every night (and I love my recliner), I have also added an exercise routine to my day. 

I personally would rather beat my body to a bloody pulp work out at home instead of going to a look at my big firm boobs and tight ass gym.

Trust me……….the sight of me sweating and stinking in front of hard bod men ……………   oh God……………..
just-kill-me-now!

So……Listen up……I am lifting weights. I am doing crunches. I am running in place. I am entertaining the neighbors, as I have no curtains on the windows!
My ridiculous exercise routine could be called “Jumpy Jerking Dancing with the Overweight, Flabby, Can I Get A Date Here, You Flipping Moron Workout”.

I’m doing everything right. Diet. Exercise.

so why then……………….

Hellooooo…….chubby roll………..why are you still glued to my waist and thighs like my children did when they were little?

Hellooooo…….cellulite………dimples there are NOT cute.

Helloooooo …….idiot interesting magazine article that said it is harder to loose weight the older you are.

How old?

  1. 14 Responses to “And The Reason I Can’t Lose Weight Is…….?”

  2. By Emily on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    My theory is 21. I gained 40 lbs, lost 20 in about four months, but have been trying to loe that other 20 for over a year. Wait… am I supposed to exercise?

  3. By foradifferentkindofgirl.blogspot.com on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    I’ve recently discovered that it is true that food eaten off my kids’ plates counts, too! Outrageous! In my late 30s, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. It explained a lot. It also means this body improvement work is hard. Very hard. Harder than my couch, which is also outrageous!

  4. By Hyphen Mama on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    Oh! Don’t get me started. Fortunately, if I ever have a flat on the freeway, I’ve always got a spare tire tucked under my oversized shirt.

  5. By Melissa from Pittsburgh on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    Agreed zelzee! Agreed.

    It’s hard.

    Very very hard.

    The Raw diet is doing amazing things. Really. But its hard and I do cheat. A LOT! It’s easier for me to do in the AM and lunch than dinner. But I’m avoiding bread and sugar. There are still LOTS of good things to eat and I have not deprived myself of Chocolate. I’ve completely added dairy, I will not go without. The other day I made pasta and I honestly didn’t want it, I ate my salad instead. I guess I’ve adapted better, but like I said I will NEVER give up chocolate. I do miss cookies! Oh, do I miss cookies.

  6. By Becky on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    “They” tell me that food eaten while standing DOES count as calories! WHO KNEW?

  7. By Shawn on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    Oh, my dear—since I turned 45, I have gained about 4 lbs a year and this year, it has just stuck—-I have tried every diet possible—have always exercised, walk three days a week and do my BowFlex two days a week.

    I, too, cut back to 1200 a day for several months—-did the MUFA diet—well, everything…

    aaaaarrrgggghhhhh!! So, my sister, a dietician, is going to do a personal diet for me—-I will let you know if it works, ok? Keep praying it does—cause I am tired of not wearing a swim suit in the summer!

  8. By Jenni Jiggety on Apr 21, 2009 | Reply

    Hang in there! It will work! And don’t swear off the gym completely…I have a feeling you would love a Zumba class!

    Love, your friendly bloggerhood fitness instructor

  9. By KathyB! on Apr 21, 2009 | Reply

    I’m in the same boat. All I have to do is look at food and I gain weight. Keep at it though. Sometimes with me it takes a week to get started and then slowly the weight drops…

    And hang a sheet over the window at night ;)

  10. By Jen on Apr 21, 2009 | Reply

    I just turned 40 and it seems that even looking at food adds pounds. The system doesn’t burn calories like it used to. Very sad as I love carbs to no end.

  11. By Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life on Apr 23, 2009 | Reply

    Holy Moley, does dieting ever get easy or does it ever really work? No one can answer these questions.

    When I was in college my roommate and I were starving. We came home with a loaf of bread and made hot, delicious cinnamon toast. I ate four pieces and gained a pound. She ate the ENTIRE REST OF THE LOAF OF BREAD, SLATHERED IN BUTTER, SUGAR AND CINNAMON and gained nothing. I hated her for the rest of the semister.

    There was justice. She married badly. (How mean of me to say that.)

  12. By Yaya on Jun 20, 2009 | Reply

    I’m trying to lose the weight that the fertility drugs decided to add to my body….oy.

  13. By gjnfvhbd on Dec 1, 2015 | Reply

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