scattering mindless trivia

The List Or What Was I Thinking?

wedding-cake-topper

When I saw this wedding cake topper, it got me to thinking………could I be a marriage junkie, but wait!……. what if I’m addicted to divorce??? Maybe I’m nothing but a name collector.
After two husbands, I have learned to call the man I am with “hon”. This helps eliviate the problem of calling out the wrong name in the throes of passion………Just a little tip from one of my many “marriage” life lessons.

Hubby #1 and I get along pretty good. Time really does heal all things, plus after all these years, it’s harder to remember why he was such an ass.

Now, #2 on the other hand is one that I would love to drop a bomb in his underwear and blow his brains out…………obviously, not enough time has passed with #2.

In the meantime, I have acquired “the list”. If any “hon” comes close to displaying any attributes on “the list”…………………….take it from me, and haul ass! It has taken me many years of wedded bliss to complile this list.

  1. The groaner…………no, not at hot, sexy pant, pant moments………………he groans when he stands
    up, squats or walks.
  2. The shuffler………..shuffles his draggy little feet when he walks……….oh, speaking of walking, really
    run like hell if he uses a walking stick.
  3. The lister…………makes lists. Not neurotic normal lists (like this one………..very normal), no I’m talking the one
    worked on every night in a detailed blow by blow line item of what he will be doing every moment of the
    next day………oh yes, its in chronological order…………..If he makes a list for you, roll your eyes,
    laugh hysterically in his face and burn that piece of paper!
  4. The locked glove compartment……………he’s cheating on you.
  5. The “everyone in the world is against me”……………..oh pahleeese……you pathetic little whiner.
  6. The lawn nazi………………this one actually knows what those ratio thingys on a bag of fertilizer mean.
  7. The wallet hider………………..he’s cheating on you.
  8. The collector……………Q. “What is this stupid little pebble and why are you saving it?”
    A. “I can never part with this beautiful pebble. It was a pebble lodged in my fathers boot when he was
    in France during WWII. Look at the way the sun hits it at twelve noon, why it looks like the silhouette of my mother, my dear, dear sainted mother, who at the age of…………………………………”
    Are you following this?
  9. The anti social hermit……………..needs no explaining.
  10. The birdman………………….Anyone with more than two birdfeeders is in need of therapy.

OK, enough ramblings about hubby #2.
“The List” is still a work in progress………………………..to be continued……………….
Goodnight “hon”.

  1. 3 Responses to “The List Or What Was I Thinking?”

  2. By kokolotus on Mar 5, 2009 | Reply

    Oh my, that is quite a list! Why don’t they pass out such a list or include it in some kind of manual in high school? Marriage 101. That would be a great addition to the curriculum, don’t you think?

  3. By Hyphen Mama on Mar 7, 2009 | Reply

    Hi~came over from Hot’s place. I love this list.

    I was thinking of things I could add to the list, but that would be a dead giveaway that too much of my life was wasted where it shouldn’t have been!

  4. By The Girl Next Door on Mar 10, 2009 | Reply

    This is awesome! I will keep this one handy…

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