zelzee

And You Really Meant?

Don’t you hate when you say something really stupid, then you try to backstep, do a tango dance trying to make it sound like you knew what you were talking about the whole time, and you really didn’t……..

I really, really hate that.

Ran into an acquaintance I had not seen for awhile, but knew her mother moved into a nursing facility awhile ago.

Zelzee: “Hi Margo, how does your mother like it where she’s at?”

Dead silence……………..

Zelzee: “I mean is she happy there?”

Margo: “Zelzee, my mother passed away.”

And……….best part……………….I was at the funeral home.

Zelzee: “Oh, geez, wow, that’s right………I am so sorry, I knew that. I must have been thinking of someone else.”…………………
Idiot, idiot, idiot………..But, do you think she likes it where she’s at?

Margo is wondering how in the world they allow me to work with the public…..

I don’t know myself…………….

Posted in Take a peek at me | 5 Comments »

The Perfect Woman

Call Zelzee gullible…. easy…. believing…. trusting….
impressionable… even innocent………
BUT
I am the perfect dream woman to a Madison Avenue advertising executive!
I believe everything I read, hear or see when it comes to product advertisement!
Oh, come on! How could you NOT trust Billy Mays???

My shower is filled with shampoo and conditioners
(must get both because they work best together, right?)
that promise to:

OR you will find shower gels and soaps that promise to:

In my make up drawers (no, one was not enough)…………..
you will find products ranging from cheap-o to “oh my God, I spent how much!”……all of which promise to:

Cleaning supplies are also my weakness. Don’t know why, because I really hate to clean!….

BUT the vast collection of chemicals and gadgets have promised to:

95% of these products have been used once or twice………then put on a shelf never to be gazed on again by human eyes.
Why do I believe every product claim?

I guess the “S” on my forehead really doesn’t stand for hot “sexy” babe……

Posted in Take a peek at me | 6 Comments »

Says It All

I am not a person that like to wear tops with cute little sayings written across my chest.  But sometimes a piece of clothing comes along that just says it all………………and no matter how many times it’s been thrown in the trash, I always pull it out.  Because I know deep down there is still some life left to be sucked out of it!

 And this ragged, stained, excuse me I look like a bag lady sweatshirt…………

• Becomes your favorite…you assume it MUST be your favorite because there are 52,347 pictures of you in it.

• Brings a smile to your face everytime you wear it…..because you know it will embarass your children.

• It reminds you of your youth….when the sweatshirt and not your hair was white in color.

• It was worn all through your childrens growing up years……..because you couldn’t fit into anything else after giving birth…………..you just wore it until you lost that weight………..(OK, so I’m still wearing the damn sweatshirt).

• It tells a story to everyone you meet……….especially those that are checking out your boobs.

• It keeps you warm…….something had to, being single and all.

• It makes others smile….HEY! look at that stupid, stained, bag lady sweatshirt that ditzy broad is wearing.

 When you think about it, Sweatshirt, you have hung around longer than any of my husbands………………

So………….nothing but the best for YOU!

Vanilla/Lavender fabric softener………………..
Maybe even two capfuls……………………………

Posted in I'm how old!, Take a peek at me | 5 Comments »

How To Get In And Out Of A Store In 10 Minutes……….Guaranteed!

Do you need to run errands, and you have very little time?

I will share with you my little secret……………..
I have a foolproof way that will get you in and out of any store super quick!

Just……………….wear a scarf on your head!

( beau beau scarf – the best….Reviewed by Zelzee)

Yes…………..you-heard-me-right……….wear a scarf on your head!

I have observed that when you wear a scarf, time saving miracles begin to happen……..for example:

You’re looking for a specific item and there are of tons, not one or two…..tons of people looking at that same item………they will take one look at scarfy lady, and it immediately becomes the parting of the seas……….everyone runs away………. Hence, picking up your items quicker.

Crowded aisles? They start down the aisle with their cart, again, take one look at you, and hasten it to another aisle……. Hence, roomier shopping areas.

Long lines? They will be in front of you in line, they look back, see the scarf head, and ask if you want to go ahead of them (NEVER looking you in the eye)…… Hence, quicker check-outs.

Cancer just makes most people uncomfortable.  I’m not sure why………………
but I for one plan on exploiting their fear for my benefit!

Hence.

Posted in Cancer puts a damper on your social life | 11 Comments »